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Topik: The Joke Thread |
4091 balasan
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Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
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because the cow has the udder
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What do you call two blokes sitting on top of a window???
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Kurt and Rod :)
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And there I thought Stevens weren't funny!
You know what's not funny? This virus thing that's been going viral.
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Apparently in Germany, instead of hoarding toilet rolls, they're hoarding cheese and sausages.
It's the würste käse scenario
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I saw the best ad for porn the other day:
She spreads faster than covid-19
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A rabbit walks in the woods and sees a bear next to a tree having a shit.
the rabbit walks on until the bear calls for him, Hey! rabbit can i ask you a question....??
the rabbit turns around and says: sure what you wanna know?
The bear asks the rabbit: when you having a shit yea?.. does your shit stick into your fur?
The rabbit a bit shocked but replies: erm, no i dont have shit stick to my fur when i shit......
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit..
The end, buy a rabbit... not toilet paper
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Dog owner wearing a 'dog cone'... Dog explains "It's for your own good."
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Coronavirus.
The worst has not even arrived.
Just wait until the Jehovah Witnesses, figure out we are all at home.
😂😂😂😂😂
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#3760 dikirim Mac 22 2020, 22:15:54 (terakhir disunting Mac 22 2020, 22:16:21 oleh Rui Morais)
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Sebut
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Trump & Bolsonaro (and a few others...)
The sad thing is we shouldn't laugh about it...
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To anyone that is single.
Be careful, who you take home this weekend.
As you might end up with them for 2 weeks.
😁😁😁😁😁
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A young artist exhibits his work for the first time and a well-known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."
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With regards to Coronavirus.
How long is this social distancing meant to last ?.
It is snowing outside, & my wife would really like to come in.
But I am waiting for government approval.
😂😂😂😂😂
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Please Andrew, you got married two days ago and you're already locking your wife out? :)
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#3765 dikirim Mac 23 2020, 15:30:58 (terakhir disunting Mac 23 2020, 15:35:01 oleh Rui Morais)
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Sebut
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Today someone from my hometown died.
He was married, 40 years old and healthy. After 10 days home with his wife, he commited suicide...
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A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey….... and a cola.”
“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.
The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure. I was born with them.”
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A man wakes up after a heavy night of drinking to his wife happily cooking breakfast.
Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home
"You kicked in the door when you couldn't get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants.
"Jesus! So then why the hell is she in such a good mood?
"When she tried to take your pants off to wash them, you slapped her hand away and said, 'Get your hands off me! I'm married!'"
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A tourist visits a Japanese monastery atop a sacred mountain and asks the wise man:
"Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?"
"I am not Master Ayumu."
==
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
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Coronavirus lockdown....
I will go mad... or my parents will go mad
They need to deal my nonsense for 20 days more
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A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”
“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.
“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”
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Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because, if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.
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Quote ( Roy Mitchell @ March 26th 2020,15:36:16 ) Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because, if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.
I don't think we should be perpetuating the mispronunciation of the word 'coupé' >:]
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Max's girlfriend was complaining to a friend. "My boyfriend has dandruff."
Her friend told her to give him head and shoulders.
She asked, 'How do you give shoulders?"
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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are trying to get a glimpse of a juggling street performer over a crowd. The street performer notices this and stands on a box to give them a better view. “Can you see me now?” he asks.
The men respond, “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.
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A man comes home and informs his wife, “I’ve just left my job. I couldn’t work for that man after what he said to me.”
Concerned, she asks, “What did he say to you?”
“You’re fired.”
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Man wakes from a night out. He's half dressed and smells.
His wife is in the kitchen cooking him a breakfast feast.
Confused, he asks his daughter 'What happened last night?"
'Well, mom tried to get your pants off. You slapped her hand away and said 'Stop I'm a married man!'
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Why is the butt divided vertically and not horizontally?
It would clap nicely if you ran down the stairs.
Ok, now stop imagining it.
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Right Im ready for all the down thumbs but dont give a S###.
A guy buys a new Fiat on Sunday.
On Monday he buys a Ford.
on Tuesday he buys An Honda
On Wednesday he bought A mercedes .
On Thursday he bought a Jaguar
On Friday he bought a Ferrari.
Hes just been diagnosed with Car Owner Virus.
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Eric was walking along the road,when he saw a funeral procession approaching .The two hearses were followed by a man walking with a pitbull terrier on a lead.Behind the man and dog were about a hundred other men in single file.
Curious as to the nature of the procession,Eric asked the man with the dog,"Excuse me,I don't wish to appear intrusive,but could you tell me whose funeral this is "? The man replied,"The first hearse is for my wife,She died after my dog attacked her,And the second hearse is for my mother-in-law,She was trying to help my wife ,when the dog turned on her,and savaged her to death too",
Eric thought for a moment,and said "Is there any chance I could borrow your dog ?",
Indicating the line of people behind him,the man said "Join the queue "!!!
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Been recently dating a blind chick.
Has been absolutely fantastic & very rewarding.
Few challenges along the way though.
Mastering her husbands voice & accent has been hard work, but I winged it OK.
On the positive.........at least I knew she wasn't seeing anyone else
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